When Your Daughter Marries…

The days and weeks leading up to my daughter’s wedding on December 31st were filled with planning, to do lists and checklists, and lots and lots of excitement. And then…just like that it was over. The wedding went perfectly (mostly…after several beautiful sunny days in a row we had a monsoon on that day!!) and all of that planning and work came together to give her the wedding she had hoped and dreamed of and off they went into their new adventure together. And I was so happy for her and for them and for us (we’ve gained a wonderful son-in-law)!!

But then…I was inexplicably sad. I couldn’t understand it and I probably still don’t, truth be told. Suddenly, even though she hasn’t lived at home for three years, I missed her so much and part of me wanted my blonde, curly haired, feisty, brave girl back in my fold and back in her room…slamming doors, letting the muddy dog in, traipsing through the house with her friends eating all the food, leaving a trail of stuff wherever she goes, dancing with me in the kitchen, and singing…always singing!! Playing her guitar or her ukulele, or my favorite, our piano with her original musical compositions whose lyrics have often brought me to tears because they are so profoundly moving.

No one told me this would happen and while I think it is probably extremely normal, I was unprepared for the unexpected grief that I felt. Not grief because she got married…they are blissfully happy and are so meant to be together and we are overjoyed for them…but rather, I think, grief because this normal life transition brings with it a certain finality…she is not my little girl anymore. So, I confess I have spent some of these cold winter days curled up in an old quilt in front of my fireplace and just…sweetly remembering.

I’m grateful for making sure that our planning allowed for some special time together before and during the ceremony: Time that I will forever remember.

• We did a spa day, just her and I, three days before the wedding which included a massage, a facial, and then lunch and then mani’s and pedi’s. It was so fun to finalize plans.
• We were able to have rehearsal dinner early so that all the extended family could have some downtime to just visit. And she popped in for some of that.
• She could get ready at home so the pictures of her preparing are taking place in the privacy and intimacy of my room.
• The first song of the evening was mine and Courtney’s song and the DJ played it right after other special dances so I was able to dance with her and I wanted  just to see if she was truly and completely enjoying her wedding and she was!! It was fun to listen to her talk about her favorite things!!
• The day after the wedding, they came and opened gifts at home with us… so fun to see the lovely things they received.

Well, I’m starting to feel better now….The sadness comes and goes but at least I’m up and engaging with people now and I certainly feel way more joy than sadness. Every time that I’m able to see her, I’m so excited but I’m trying to respect newly-wed boundaries (whatever those are??)!!!

So, I’m sure that this transition of grieving will even out and I will stop crying every time I think of her!! We are possibly getting an ice storm tonight so I don’t know what tomorrow will bring here but stay warm my friends and imprint your memories deep into your heart because the transitions will come when you are not ready!!

I hope soon to write about what I learned as mother-of-the-bride and share those tips with you! Hope you can make it to church some where.

Here is a photo of Courtney singing her vows to Jacob. 💕💕💕

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Julie